Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Picking which battle to fight?


These past few days I have begun to realize that I, like many, are waging the war inside with ones self. My depression and focus have been completely off balance and I am desperately trying to get my life and spirit back on track! I am coming off of my current medication, Effexor and I am loosing my strength to win this seemingly endless battle with my mind. My doctor has lessened my dosage each month and next month begins the "cold turkey" method of NO medications until my current one works itself out of my system.

During this time of torture and sadness, I am learning of other methods of how to cope with this mental illness and it has not been easy. Today I couldn't even find the strength to get out of bed! it was so hard to think of depression and being unhappy, so I locked myself in my room, and tried to hide the hurt, sleep actually makes it worse. A close friend called me today and told me to meet her at a park, to take a walk and clear my mind. It was so comforting to speak with her and to hear of her advice. She put all of this into perspective that in essence, this is my own personal "Gethsemane."

I had never once before thought of it like that, but it brought me so much clarity and peace of mind. Just like our Savior did endure his trials of crucifixion, I too must overcome and learn from my own. I have been going to the Temple more frequently, twice in the last 4 days, in hopes that the Lord would reveal something to me and give me strength to overcome. It is going to be a long process, but I have faith I too can overcome my life's very own Gethsemane.

5 comments:

heatherann said...

Justin --- You are so great! Know that we love you and pray for you as you go through this trial. You are strong and the Lord will help you.

laneyfamily said...

Justin- I sure love you and think that you are the greatest brother in the world and I think so highly of you. I know how it feels to be depressed, maybe not to the extent that you are but bear it will and it will pass. Heavenly Father maybe is giving you this trial so you can learn to draw closer to him and rely on him more and mom and dad than you ever have before in your life. Call me if you ever need to. I would love to come visit you and bring Ava over to cheer you up. She loves you soo much. Justin I know you will be blessed. I would love to go to the temple with you sometime- we have never be in the temple with each other before!!!! I love you so much thanks for making my life better by being a part of it!

Amber Feller said...

Justin, You are such an example to so many people, I know you are on the right track and in the darkest or lonliest times of life, Christ will be the light you need to comfort and console you.

Kimberly said...

Hey Justin, this is Kimberly Gale. I found your blog through Teressa's. My bro-in-law is fighting depression and had a horrible reaction to some meds and ended up in the hospital for a couple days... anyways, there are some dr's here that through dealing with one wife's depression, and studying internal medicine have found that through some tests they can determind what your body is lacking and prescribe just the right amounts. I believe it's all vitamins. Anyways, it's helped my bro-in-law a ton! It may be something to look into! If you want to e-mail me for this or to be invited to my family blog my e-mail is kimberlygprice at hotmail dot com

Corinna said...

Effexor is a nasty nasty drug.

I was on it for a time and it completely messed me up. It took over a year to "get off" it. I tried several times to go cold turkey and I would make it about three weeks... the rage and frustration... exhaustion was more then I could handle... I would go back on. The way I actually got off was slowly and I emphasize slowly... weaned myself off. It was by far one of the hardest things I have ever had to kick. My family suffered right along with me. It was truly horrible.

What ever you do... please seek the advise of a doctor that will support you coming off... and help you by stepping you down slowly. You will experience... sweats, hot and cold, confusion... LOTS of dizziness... and uncontroble rage at times that will come out of the blue. I had the after effects from that drug for more then a year.

Hang in there. Be kind to yourself and steadfast to get it out of your body.