Another weekend...

So nothing really exciting happened over the weekend. I found out that Elder Husemann, one of my closest friends in being transferred to LaGrand Oregon next Wednesday, I am going to miss him so much! I have learned that change has NEVER been easy for me and I hate letting go of good friendships, it just sucks. It's so much easier to realize that someone cares when they are actually there in person, I have a hard time realizing this same concept when I am unable to see them everyday. I wish him the best of luck and he will be missed so much!!!!!

So over the weekend I spent some time with the Elders and we had the most awkward moments, I cannot even remember them all, but I know they happened. On Saturday morning I took Elder Sawtell and Leith to eat at Merritts down on Garden City. It's the most white trash place I have ever eaten at, yet it feels like home. For those of you that have been there, can't you just picture it? Later that evening I took Elders Husemann and Fisher to eat at Johnny Carinos, and boy was that awkward. We laughed so hard and I'm sure that the tables near us thought we were absolutely crazy! I love to laugh and I have found that there is no better way to relieve stress, than to LAUGH.....

I hate going to the doctor....

Today I went into my family doctor to have my depression medication regulated. Last night I had a conversation with a close friend that really set me off. It had been about a week since I had last heard from him, so I decided to send him a text message. I jokingly asked him if he had gone off and finally found a girlfriend? His reply back to me was "why, are you freaking out because I have been unresponsive to you?" I was completely thrown back by his remarks. It's just little things like this that seem to throw my depression into overdrive. Stupid I know, but so real all at the same time. I tried to not get mad at him and simply apologized for wanting to be a good friend and get one in return. I am always the one to apologize it seems, even when I have nothing to apologize for. Does this sound familiar to anyone else?

So back to my doctor's visit, she told me that there is better medication out there for me so that I can get back to a life of normalcy, I wanted to believe him, but so much of me just wanted to shake her and say, "I'm always going to be depressed!" I know that it's wrong of me to think this way, but it is just the way that I have thought for the past 12 years as I have tried and tried to cope with depression. She also advised that I go and see a Psychologist for further testings. I have never been fond of telling my sob stories to a complete stranger. Has anyone out there had a good experience in seeing a Psychologist? She also told me to cut out all of the sugar in my diet and EXERCISE!!!!!!! We will begin today with some of the changes she advised and see what happens in the weeks and months to come.

Gratitude...

I was reading another blog today and it really caught me eye. The article was on the importance of having gratitude and being grateful for what we already have. We find that we are always wanting more and never satisfied with what we have been already given.

Gratitude

"Gratitude requires awareness and effort, not only to feel it but to express it. Gratitude is a Spirit-filled principle. It opens our minds to a universe permeated with the richness of a living God. Through it, we become spiritually aware of the wonder of the smallest things, which gladden our hearts with their messages of God's love...Gratitude inspires happiness and carries divine influence."

I loved this quote because it made me think of all the things in my life that I am most grateful for. A few days ago I called a good friend's mom just say how "grateful" I was for her raising an amazing son that had a tremendous role in helping me realize the importance of the Gospel in my life. It was because of his friendship that I decided to get active in the Church again, and over a period of time the Lord allowed me to see the goodness that lies within each of us. I will forever be thankful to my friend for helping me find the happiness I had been missing!!!!

Just some of the things I am Grateful for....

My family

The two amazing sisters that I have, and their husbands

My Father in Heaven

My Savior Jesus Christ

Good friends

My health

Sunshine

Keaton, Andrew, Ava and Madalynn

Sleep

Laughter

Freedom

The Atonement

Forgiveness

Prayer

Faith

What are some of the things that you are most thankful for?

What we really want out of life

These past few weeks I have really thought about our purpose here and what we are to obtain. What are we to obtain? What kind of person do I want to be? These are some of the thoughts and feelings that I have. As I stated in my very first post, I have suffered with depression for years, it's something that I have become comfortable with, but hate it altogether. I have often wondered, "why do I have depression, and what did I do to deserve such a horrible disease?" As I have studied and prayed, I have come to realize that my depression is apart of me and it is apart of who I am. I was truly inspired to create this blog as a way to express my feelings into writing. Many people are probably wondering why I would share this with everyone? Well, I have been silent for way too long and I want to be a tool in helping others talk about theirs. I believe that we are given trials to test our faith and devotion to our Father in Heaven. It is in our trials that we come to know who we really are and what we are capable of overcoming. If you read this and suffer from depression, or have any advice to share, please share it so that others can be liberated from theirs.

We can be an inspiration to anyone and everyone!!!!!

What a great weekend...


On Friday, Krista, Jackie and I decided to brave the single adults in Boise! We went to an Institute talent show and dance outside on the quad at BSU. It was alittle out of control and I even got a girl's number, such a luck girl. So as Krista was asking for her number, she pulls out a notepad and writes it on a piece of paper! Hello it's 2007 and we have cell phones!!!! We laughed so hard, I even kept the piece of paper, we'll see what happens these next few weeks! It's all because of Krista that I may have found the woman of my dreams, or wait, maybe it's her dreams, so funny! After the dance, Jackie, Krista, Alisha and I went to Old Chicago downtown to eat. It was quit an adventure this weekend. As soon as I get pics I will post them for all to see.

I want.....

A few weeks ago we had a team building activity at work. It was inspired by my good friend Jodi. One night she wrote down all of the things that she wanted and I was blown away at what she had written. The majority of the items that she wrote were not of monetary value, but of establishing a better relationship with the Lord and bettering herself. For ten minutes we sat and wrote what each of us "wanted." Usually I wouldn't think twice about what I had written, but this time was different, I went home that night anf wrote my list in my jouranl and this is what I came up with....

I want to....

Hear that I am appreciated and loved daily

Love who I am

Feel loved

Be mentally and emotionally healthy again

Have NO more jealousy

Be able to spend more time with my family

Play with Keaton and Andrew every day

Go to the movies

Be a better friend

Not be controlled by my addictions

To wake up and have no worries

Be a better listener

Become a better Christian

Not worry about money

Get married and have kids

Start my own business

To travel through Eurpoe

Go to Wimbledon

Get back to the Temple

Read my scriptures everyday

These are just a few of the things that I "want." What are some of the things that you want and truly need? Please share them and feel completely comfortable in doing so. As I began putting things into writing, they are more real to me and each one of these "wants" gives me something to work towards.

Depression has lived with me for the past 12 years and now is the time that I look it in the face and beat it! Depression is one pf those "silent" diseases that nobody ever wants to talk about or admitt that they or someone they know has it. I have been victim of this silent killer for years now and it has destroyed almost every aspect of my life. Over the years I have kept my depression silent for fear that I would be looked down upon or un-loved. It's time that someone speak out for all of is that suffer from depression. In sharing my stories and experiences, I hope that my words will reach someone and allow for them to come forward and face their own depression. If you are out there and you are struggling with depression and have nowhere to turn, please let me know and share your feelings with me. Together we can and will get through this!